Make Friends with Change.

Do you ever sit and wonder if everything happens for a reason? I have. And I think I truly believe that too. I’m 23 years old. And the first 18 years of my life weren’t a walk in the park but I believe it’s best not to dwell on the negative or the past, and simply not let it define you. So more than I ever, I believe something is put in your path for a reason – no matter how positive, negative, upsetting or overwhelming. We are all human.

dandelion blowing with title

Recently, as it seems most years around this time, a bit of bad luck came our way. I knew it was coming. Well I didn’t. But for a few weeks, and if you have me on twitter you’ll have read, I just had this feeling that a black cloud was looming, ready to open and pour down on us. And it did. I’m a stay at home mum to a 22 month old, pregnant with baby #2 – and I am extremely lucky to be in this position and with my partner working to allow this. Here’s this thing, my partner ended up leaving his job. Just before Christmas, just before we were meant to purchase a family car, just after things seemed to be going dare I say it…well. It was a big, messy affair and he was glad to be out. I was happy the weight had been lifted from his shoulders, I could see on his face the relief he felt to be out of a toxic place but at the same time I was riddled with worry. What did this mean for our family? I couldn’t get a job being pregnant, childcare is expensive – no one would employ me (yes I know this isn’t allowed but come on who would?). Luckily we had enough funds to last us until January – but the time bomb was ticking away with every second.

It gave me a kick up the backside. I made a change after being in deep thought for a day or two. I enrolled on a course, distance learning, to finish my training to become a Early Years/Reception Teacher. I now do 3 mornings a week volunteering in a setting across the road from me, with the flexibility to complete the course within two years and change my days to suit around my family. And it’s all funded until I earn over a certain amount which is even better. I am carving myself a future slowly, thinking post-baby/toddlers, keeping myself busy and motivated to take the plunge and transition from SAHM to Working Mum after baby #2 is born.

Again, I believe everything happens for a reason. My partner landed another job after about 10 days of being out of his previous job. One he doesn’t dread, feels more positive about and another bonus of more hours and better pay. It also gave him a fire to get himself into a career he is passionate about and loves – something for him to work towards in the future.

So here I am. Still my brain feels like a muddled, messy baby brain and I still need to settle into the new routine until I can feel I can put my umbrella down from stormy November but it’s a start. It just once again proves, life gives you a challenges at every corner, don’t let it overcome or defeat you. Focus on moving forward and being productive – life truly is what you make of it. So my posts will only be twice a week as of now, I need to prioritise and let myself fall into a routine without adding pressure to myself – so do bear with me and thank you for your continued support. And for anyone going through a rough patch, things will get better, the fog will clear and you’ll see your rainbow soon.

love-lex-1

Advertisements

What’s in a name?

Okay. We’ve all done it. We’ve all heard a baby name that we absolutely hate quietly dislike. We’ve all most definitely cried out ‘why would they call a baby that?’. Guilty. I know I have. But after reading an article about the backlash and criticism on one mother to be’s choice of baby name on an online forum, I actually sat and thought, why?

Why do we care so much about what someone else calls their child? Why must we form opinions on every detail of peoples lives? Who are we to say that name cannot be used to represent that baby?

whats-in-a-name

The mother said she is going to called her baby girl Iris James. James being used as a middle name for the little tot. Sure, the mother put it on an online forum so it’s obvious that not all users are going to agree (I know surprise surprise the internet has trolls) but must the obvious be stated ‘it’s a boys name‘. Do you really believe the mother isn’t well aware that the name James is traditionally seen to be a boys name? Not so long ago actor and actress couple Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds called their bundle of pink James and the world made peace with that fairly quickly – so why is this mother being focused on for wanting the use of James within her daughters name, and more to the point what harm is it doing to anyone? You may say ‘the girl will grow up hating the name James, and get told she has a boys name’, but you have people who ‘normal’ boys/girls names who hate them like myself! You have school bullies rhyming off cruel nicknames to perfectly normal names – so the use of James isn’t going to make the world stop because it’s not the ‘correct’ way of using it, however that is meant to be. 

Like words, names change and evolve over time. Here’s a few names that used to be more commonly heard as boys names:

  • Hilary – 100% male name 1882, was a popular boys name until the 1940s
  • Sandy – 1880 this was 100% male name, shifted to 50/50 by 1930s
  • Beverley – in 1880’s this was a 100% male name, by 2012 it was a 100% female name
  • Alexis – this was once a hugely popular boys name, being 100% male in 1882
  • Kim – 100% male name in 1912
  • Paris – 100% male in 1991
  • Shannon – 100% name in 1881

So as you can see. Like many things. Things change, words evolve, meanings and ‘genders’ change. We live in an age where anyone can be anyone they want to be, anything they want to be, be referred to as anything they could possibly want to be. We are such a free, accepting world – well compared to 10 years ago. We all still have room to grow, but our views and opinions evolve more each day, so why can’t a mother chose to name their child a name that is seen to be a certain gender – without the public, noisy backlash.

If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. 

love-lex-1

If you want to read the article, visit this or if you’re interested to see what other names have changed visit here.

 

Mummuddlingthrough

How to deal with negative energy.

I have a problem. Like many people, I have allowed negative energy into my life. Let them it irritate and cloud my usually rainless mind. Why? Who knows why any of us let this induce us into sitting pondering in a world of our own. Stewing and mulling over circumstances. You know the kind. The embezzler of good energy. The bodies who repeatedly seem to be in a squabble with someone, or forever updating social media with passive aggressive updates, and most frustratingly think their opinions are the only appropriate, correct ones. Ever.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not always, nor have I always been, a ball of light but in my life now, I consciously try to put kindness out to the world. I don’t talk bad about people. I never say anything to a person that I wouldn’t feel comfortable saying in front of them. I strongly believe in karma – though I am waiting for some to reinforce my beliefs. I believe I’m a honest and fair person.  I believe in apologising for your wrongs. I believe in learning from mistakes. I believe in making mistakes. I’m human.

P2N.jpg

Now the spirit stealers I am referring to do none of these things. Instead they mostly make you feel upset, troubled, confused. The people who you struggle to recall when you last had a carefree conversation was with. The people who think and whats worse, make you feel as if, they are above you,  talk down to you. The ones who emotionally drain us to a point you welcome the day you awake with the stress of them gone from your shoulders, which is extremely sad.

Now as we know blogging is an ideal way to express and compose your thoughts/feelings in a healthy way -to a world of neutral and sincere readers but after an extremely draining morning (concluding in me breaking loose from the negativity within my life, at least until a corner has been turned and their own issues have been addressed) I felt it was time for me to channel my feelings of frustration into words of motivation. Here’s my top tips to keep positive when surrounded by negative and when dealing with negativity:

  • No matter what, believe in yourself. It’s hard to not become riddled with self-doubt when unpleasantness is being directed to you. BUT be strong. Have strength. You can overcome this.
  • Reflect and articulate yourself before you respond. There is nothing worse than reacting in the heat of the moment, take a moment to ponder on what is happening. React in a healthy way that reflects who you are. Not in a way you will later wish you didn’t. Make sure you are clear, calm and concise in expressing your thoughts and feelings. There is no point in addressing invalid points and working yourself up.
  • Surround yourself with beautiful, strong, honest people. For me I am extremely lucky to have hub-to-be. Someone I can freely communicate with and unload when I need too. What’s more he is not afraid to tell me if I am wrong, if he doesn’t agree with the way something is handled but is still someone who will support and uplift you 100%. This truthfulness I admire massively. I believe that if you surround yourself with kind people, they influence you. Likewise with negative.
  • Always be aware and pick your battles. When dealing something like this, it’s important to understand that you can’t battle every time. It will drain you, mentally exhaust you and leave you feeling worse of than you started. It’s important to be able to identify what you need to let go of, for your own sanity, and when you feel it’s time to address something and stand up to the problem.
  • Support yourself. I truly believe that for one negative energy in life, you need to give out a million more positive vibes. Wash out that negativity in a productive way. Channel your frustration into motivation. Use the emotions to better yourself. Whether that’s in your job, your friendships, hobbies, social media etc. Point those feelings into the universe as positive ones. Karma will come back to you.

picmonkey-image

Remember, look after yourself. And those most important to you. Uplift others. Be kind daily. Treat others how you want to be treated. Block out the negative vibes. And most importantly, admit when you are wrong/when you have done wrong and that you are human. You gain a lot more respect in doing so,  as oppose to claiming you are in the right and trying to put others down in doing so. Do not let negative people turn you into one.

loll

I made a decision.

Aside from last weeks quick update, I’ve been struggling to post. I couldn’t pin point the reason why. I had the time too (if I actually made a schedule I could regularly post), I had a list of varied subjects I could ramble about and I most definitely (and most importantly) wanted to post. So what was the problem? How could I break down the wall in front of me? Well after spending most of Sunday eating chocolate on the sofe reflecting and daydreaming, I think I found my problem, and above a solution. Quick jump ahead: my blog’s new name. Gone is MumIsTheWordBlog.com and hello to NoManualToMummy.com

f-s

When I first set up this blog. I basically did it awash with boredom. I was a young, a first time mum on maternity leave and just moved into my own home. Basically I was looking for a space to unload (side note, I’m still young but motherhood/adulthood has matured me further – well in my opinion). I had no idea about the wonderful world of blogging, which I am now familiar with, existed. Links/social media/interaction with other bloggers – was all completely alien to me. Anyway, back to my point. This blog was set up with zero knowledge about what blogging was or even what blogging meant to me. Because of this, the set up..the look…the context was heavily rushed and confusing.

starting-fresh-post

Now I feel more confident in blogging and I’ve beeninvolved for a while now, I taken the time to put a bit more love and thought into the whole concept that blogging is. I’ve finally got a page which I like the look of and am proud of (for now, until I learn how to self-host). That was my problem. I wasn’t happy with how my own little corner of the internet looked. I mean I still have a long way to go, and still have tons more to learn…but for now I am happy with the small progress I’ve made and this difficult barrier I have overcome. I feel it’s given me the motivation and positive energy I needed to keep improving and growing – and wanting too.

So here it is.. MumIsTheWordBlog.com – we had some good times but it was time for a change, so hello to NoManualToMummy.com.

loll

Do you feel that the look of your blog influences your content and how often you post? How long did it take for you to become happy with your page? 

My Petit Canard
Pink Pear Bear
Debs Random Writings
Diary of an imperfect mum

Pre-baby relationships vs Post-baby relationships. 

Relationships. They change and can be impacted by the littlest thing, whether your partner picks up the wrong kind of tea bags down at the shops or you start a new job meaning routine changes, they’re a big part of life. Especially family life. Everyone can think vaguely back to those days before you had a small human, who might I add has a built in function of your own personal alarm clock, set to sound at the crack of dawn. The days when your days off were actually days that you had off. A time where you only had to worry about keeping yourself fed, clean and rested. When you have children, whether that’s singular or plural, it’s obvious that you go through a change as a person, some believe a person has to experience that shift in life to actually fully be at ease with parenthood. You discover yourself and lose yourself at the same time, you grow so much in a short space of time that you never knew was possible. Yes, having children always brings talk about the changes as a person – but what about your relationship? 


Pre-Baby: Before motherhood I was in a relationship of 6 years. Childhood sweethearts you might say. We were strong, happy, went on regular dates and were each other’s best friends. The kind of relationship Nicholas Sparks writes about (side note, maybe not but In my mind). Before a baby, our free time was spent with each other – watching new cinema releases, nipping to the shop to stock up on treats for a duvet and film day, eating out at restaurants…the money we had spare was spent on ourselves because what else did we have to spend our hard earned pounds on? If I had a problem I’d tell my other half and we’d talk about it and eventually figure a solution out. Of course we had a few bickering moments, who doesn’t? We were still human, despite being childless. I think it makes a healthy relationship to have some ‘agree to disagree moments’.  It sounds so surreal thinking back to the life we lived this time last year. A child changes everything. 

Post-Baby: Like I said, a child changes everything. I thought I knew every possible side there was to know about my other half, but having our daughter has introduced a whole new personality I didn’t know he possessed. A side to him that was buried way down deep under lock and key, waiting for this angelic little newborn to unlock. Before baby I only knew the lets say ‘single’ side, but after baby I now see a side where he will always think about his child before himself. That’s a trait, no matter how much you love someone or how long you have been together, I feel, you can only truly possess when you have your own flesh and blood staring back at you. Sure our relationship has changed. We don’t have the free time to go all the places we went before baby, we might not have the energy to face the trip into the town centre when we are baby free – but those have been replaced with days in reading story books or teaching our child a new song. Along with the whole new ‘dad’ side that’s obvious to see, our relationship has blossomed to the next level. We understand each other that little bit better. He saw me at the most vulnerable point of my life and supported me through it. For that we have developed an understanding with each other through the bonding of being parents. We understand the importance of compromise, of communication and consistency in our daughters life. We understand that it’s okay to have ‘me’ time and with an under one – you need it! 

The relationship we had before baby was wonderful and it’s a time where we were able to create lots of wonderful memories of just the two of us.  It was a time we discovered each other’s personalities and learned how to understand, and live with each other. The one obvious difference is that free time is no longer free time, instead it’s a time which the three of us spend together, but we wouldn’t change that for the world. You read lots of posts online about how partners drift away from each other or the stress of parenthood pushes them apart or there is just no support, which I know in reality does happen – but it’s not all doom and gloom. With good communication, making time for each other and yourself, there’s a good chance (in my none expert opinion) your relationship will blossom with parenthood…it’s probably the best medicine there is. 

Mummuddlingthrough

<

/>
Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com